Intimidating [in-tim-i-deyt-ing]: An excuse that others make on my behalf when trying to pinpoint exactly why I am single.
I have been called intimidating on more than fifty one occasion and it confuses the shit out of me. I absolutely hate it when people ask that question to begin with, but the answer of “well, you are REALLY intimidating for guys” seems like a phrase pulled from a book somewhere on excuses to give your friends as to why they are single. Since when is having a successful career and a strong minded opinion a reason to NOT date someone?
I get that I sometimes can have an intimidating look (the doe-eyed pursed lip stare I do when I look in the mirror, or when I take pictures on Photobooth. You know, the look that EVERYONE has), but that all goes away the second music is playing, or I have a sip of beer and my big smile comes out. If you speak to me for more than 15 minutes and hear terms like “video games” or “settlers of catan” the intimidation factor comes crashing down. Besides that, there are so many way more attractive women out there, and I feel I pale in comparison on the intimidation factor based on looks alone.
Beyond my look is where I can’t help but to have a tiny feeling that they may be right, and it scares me. Throughout the past years I have met many many cute boys in whom I would deem great for me. Then, I find out they have a girlfriend. Then, I meet said girlfriend. Then, I realize said girlfriend is usually a damsel in distress, depending heavily on their boyfriend, with zero personality or opinion. Conversation is limited, intelligence in minimally demonstrated, and the thought “why the hell is he with her” crosses my mind over a million times. Why are all these smart, gorgeous men dating these BORING women?
These girls don’t have a steady job, would never play or watch sports, they wear heels camping, they will order a sex on the beach at a sports bar, and worst of all they agree with any point of view their boyfriend might have. They are completely non self-sufficient and need a man in their life.
I have a successful career, am obsessed with sports, rarely wear makeup, will drink you under the table when it comes to beer and will pretty much challenge anything my boyfriend would say just to have a fun debate. I have lived on my own for years, know how to fix a toilet, cook wonderful meals for myself and do not need a man in my life.
So what is wrong with this picture? Is the reason I don’t have a man in my life because I don’t need one? Are we still stuck in the old world mentality of a men being a knight in shining armour, here to rescue the damsel?
The damsels give their boyfriends a sense of security. By needing them, they feel more secure that they will remain faithful to them, and it gives the men all the power in the relationship. A man will never never have all the power in a relationship with an intimidating woman, so is that why they steer clear? I don’t believe it’s a conscious decision men are making either, but rather a deeply ingrained mentality that has existed for centuries.
It’s a shame to ever have to feel as though your successes could be held as a reason to not date you, but I still maintain hope that I will meet a man who can check his ego at the door and see my strong personality as a turn on, not a threat.
I may not need you to slay my dragons, find my glass slipper, kiss me out of my deep slumber, or even climb up my Rapunzel like hair, but that doesn’t mean I won’t love you just the same.